1. |
Politics of Lonely
04:18
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Clean my bathroom again
Just to feel something other than
The weight of being alone
At the mirror I stand
Pinch my waistline again
Just to keep
From checking my phone
And the tears form a whirlpool
In the center of my face
I breathe in
Then forget to breathe out
And my lips form the shape
Of all I want to say
But can't force the words
Out of my mouth
Think of calling my friends
They're so happy I can't stand that
Their content sometimes burns me
To my reflection I say
"I think you're the one"
I'm a diplomat in politics of lonely
I am friends with the night
Always up at weird times
Pace my dark
And cherry stained floor
Stare out the window
And stare down the sink
Swear to God I can't think anymore
It's a hurt I've never known before
And the tears form a whirlpool
In the center of my face
I breathe in
Then forget to breathe out
And my lips form the shape
Of all I want to say
But can't force the words
Out of my mouth
Think of calling my friends
They're so happy I can't stand that
Their content sometimes burns me
To my reflection I say
"I think you're the one"
I'm a diplomat in politics of lonely
Feel like I am plateauing
Don't know where I am going
In life or in general I guess
I am up then I'm down
And when I look around
At my wreckage
Feel a tightness in my chest
If success is subjective
Then what's the objective
Of a lonely life fully lived well?
I wanna climb that hill
And I will, I will
Even if I have to do it
By myself
And the tears form a whirlpool
In the center of my face
I breathe in
Then forget to breathe out
And my lips form the shape
Of all I want to say
But can't force the words
Out of my mouth
Think of calling my friends
They're so happy I can't stand that
Their content sometimes burns me
To my reflection I say
"I think you're the one"
I'm a diplomat in politics of lonely
Ah
I'm a diplomat in politics of lonely
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2. |
Love Blind
03:32
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I still remember the outfit
I had on for my first kiss
And I still wear it as a joke
Sometimes
Where the punch line
Is the way his mouth was on mine
Real tongue-in-cheek is what it is
Nineteen
Now a beauty queen
I didn't know what it would be like
To have somebody
Look me dead in the eyes
And say, "I wish you were mine"
Thought I'd be scared
But all I knew
Was that it didn't feel right
Waited all this time
Just to find
What if I'm love blind?
I stumble down Commonwealth
On the phone with my best friend
She says, "It's okay
That he didn't fit you like a glove"
And I didn't factor this
Into my four year plan
But now I'm thinking
Maybe I should've
Nineteen
Now a beauty queen
I didn't know what it would be like
To have somebody
Look me dead in the eyes
And say, "I wish you were mine"
Thought I'd be scared
But all I knew
Was that it didn't feel right
Waited all this time
Just to find
What if I'm love blind?
Coffee on my breath
Nothing inside my chest
His hand was on my hip
A feeling of restlessness
I look back with wiser eyes
And try to see the brighter side of things
Maybe one day I'll be smart enough
To know what it all means
Nineteen
Now a beauty queen
I didn't know what it would be like
To have somebody
Look me dead in the eyes
And say, "I wish you were mine"
Thought I'd be scared
But all I knew
Was that it didn't feel right
Waited all this time
Just to find
What if I'm love blind?
What if I'm love blind?
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3. |
Family Tree
03:36
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Every woman in my family has
Lost a child, lost a baby
And every man: a brother, daughter, or a son
I'm only twenty
But I know the way
The world can string you up
Like a mobile
Twisting, fading in the sun
It's the things you don't discuss
At your hushed Thanksgiving tables that
Pull you close
That make you fully one
Every family has their secrets
Has their heartache and their reasons
For their silence
So as not to come undone
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la
And they hold close to their lies
To their debts and their despise
Scrawl their names over stolen lullabies
Was it the drugs? Or the drink?
Or the money you let sink
Into the cards in the middle of the night?
You crowd in one bedroom apartments
Work three jobs
You're just exhausted
And you're still just
Barely scraping by
Sometimes you wonder if they're heartless
Or just damaged past the point of
Anything you could ever recognize
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la
Every woman in my family
Had to grow up much too quickly
And every man has been
Right there by her side
Someone mentioned it over dinner
And in their eyes you could see flicker
The hurt of several lifetimes
Every family has their secrets
Has their heartache and their reasons
Even when the silence eats them up
Inside
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la
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4. |
Burn Out
03:13
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Flashback to skipping my classes
And pacing my floor
I loved a blond boy in high school
But not anymore
Now I plan out my life
With every guy in the grocery store
Who looks my age
Or looks my way
And I smoke out the window
When my parents are home
Leave a light on at night
If I'm sleeping alone
And my mailbox is full
But no one calls my phone
Anyway
I think I burned out a while ago
Maybe I'll relight one day
So I take shit from the people
Who talk to me like I'm ten
What if I write a good song
Then never do it again
Every time that I think
I'll snap
I just bend into place
Will I ever break?
I take back roads to work
To avoid the left turns
Leave my old friends on read
When they say they're concerned
Only listen to songs
Where I know all the words
By heart
Think I burned out a while ago
So where's my fresh start?
Ah
Ah
And I zone out completely
While watching TV
Time slips through my hands
Barely touches me
I can't picture myself
Past the age of thirty-three
And I go through the motions
And movements alone
Leave a light on at night
Just in case you come home
Cleared my mailbox for you
But you don't call my phone
Anyway
Think I burned out a while ago
Maybe I'll relight one day
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5. |
Mitosis
03:41
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The first time I came home from school
I walked right through the door
Wrapped my arms around my mother
Dropped my bags on the floor
That night I heard the train
All the way in Richmond
And God, just being home
Felt like breathing again
I'm splitting in half
A mitosis of sorts
Once I shed this skin
I won't hurt anymore
I never let myself in
On the truth before
There's two of me at last
One to move on
One to stay in the past
Well, I moved back down to Boston
And met the people that I love
They taught me how to drop my guard down
And showed me that I am enough
I see them as the sisters
That I never had
It's the sweetest feeling ever
Knowing someone has your back
I'm splitting in half
A mitosis of sorts
Once I shed this skin
I won't hurt anymore
I never let myself in
On the truth before
There's two of me at last
One to move on
One to stay in the past
Now I love brick and iron and copper
These building speak to me my truth
They tell me that I'm smart
And there's a spot
For me in every room
And here I am still growing
But like the person I can see
And that's all I ever wanted
For me
I'm splitting in half
A mitosis of sorts
Once I shed this skin
I won't hurt anymore
I never let myself in
On the truth before
There's two of me at last
One to move on
One to stay in the past
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